OTE*** The Federal Wet Suit Police have proposed legislation requiring wet suit manufacturers sew a warning label on all wet suits stating:

WARNING: Could be hazardous if tried on alone. Failure to heed this warning could result in overheating, leading to heat exhaustion or heat stroke. If wet suit does become stuck and no one is present to help remove, fill bath tub with cool water and remain submerged until help arrives.

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Suzie's First Wetsuit

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(Or The Wetsuit That Swallowed Suz)

As told by Suzie (my wife):

My husband and I were married in August of 1997. He is an avid SCUBA diver and SCUBA instructor. I recently finished certifying as a diver and mail ordered a custom made wet suit to complete the gear I would need to dive. I came home from work one evening to find a box sitting in the living room. The packaging told me it was the new suit. Apparently, my husband, Lynn, had left it unopened and then went to teach a diving lesson. He wouldn't be home until late.

I was very excited about the arrival of my new wet suit. I quickly opened the box and pulled it out. As a typical women, I just had to try it on. I took off my clothes and decided, since no one was around, I wouldn't bother with keeping on my underwear or putting on a bathing suit. After all, no one would see me.

The wet suit went on easy enough. My next plan was to take it off and leave it out to show my husband. Only problem was, it wouldn't come off! The long sleeves, made of thick neoprene material, and custom made to fit snug around my arms, were definitely stuck. In addition, my arms were forced outwards by the thickness of the material so I couldn't really get a grip and had no flexibility in movement.

I had two choices, wait for my husband to come home or swallow my pride and get help. The second choice seemed the better option as I was beginning to sweat, my hands were losing circulation and my husband wouldn't be home for about five hours.

We live in a condominium where most of our neighbors are older missionary couples who rent their places for only a few months at a time. I know them mostly through casual meetings at the mail box or on the stairways. I had one neighbor, Kathleen, that I know very well but, when I called her home, she wasn't there. This meant I had to go door to door knocking on the other neighbors' doors as I didn't have their home phone numbers. In a short time, I found a neighbor home and it was truly an embarrassing moment when the missionary couple opened the door to find me standing there in a wet suit (we have no pool near by) pleading for help.

I said to the wife, "I know you'll think this is crazy but I tried on my new wet suit and now I can't get it off." She was surprised but quickly recovered and came to my rescue. She followed me back to my condo and, after many minutes of tugging and pulling, she was able to peel off the suit. She was not only a good Samaritan, but a discreet one, too. She didn't say much about my "birthday suit" being the only thing I had on underneath. I thanked her profusely and she went home. What an embarrassing moment.

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